All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey.

Right now I feel like I am walking in two worlds, but not really living in either.

Usually when you go on a holiday, especially an extended holiday like this, it's a bit of a shock to go back home and to your day-to-day routine, such as housework and a job. I'm still on holiday, in that I'm not in New Zealand, but I'm also having to work again for my job back home (albeit remotely) as I have yet been unable to find a decent job here in the city. This has left me feeling somewhat in the middle of both going home and being away, and is a little strange.

I came to the US hoping to find a job in the city, but so far that has proved as difficult as I had expected. I've applied for a couple of jobs here - but the problem I'm having is that I don't just want any job; I will absolutely not work in a bar or diner just to hope for tips. I think if I were to do that I would totally feel like I was patronising those who had little choice but to work those jobs. Besides, I doubt anybody would hire me anyway given that I'm a short-term stay.

I'm also trying to balance looking for work with sightseeing and actually working for my job back home. I'm trying to work enough so that I can afford to live, see, and travel the States, but I'm finding it difficult to strike the right balance between working for my job back home, and going into the city or exploring. As a result of this (and also as a result of not being paid for the past month) my adventures have substantially diminished.

On top of all this, the weather has taken a sudden turn for the colder here - it's now Autumn (still refusing to say 'Fall'), and I find myself having to wear several tee shirts and my jacket while sitting in the house, having only packed summer clothing. I of course came prepared to buy a winter wardrobe while I was here, and I intend to do this as soon as I get paid.

Only that date keeps getting pushed back a little each week... my goal is to not freeze to death before that happens, and so I've taken a series of novel steps to keep warm. Many cups of tea, resting my hands on my laptop battery, and even doing dishes - all of which only to keep my hands warm! I wouldn't be surprised to see snow in the coming weeks. I just hope I have something other than a softshell from Kathmandu to keep me warm while I'm making Steve-Angels in the snow.

So I find myself sitting in front of my laptop, living outside New York City, and working for New Zealand. I'm not disliking my trip, but the mood and method has changed - I now need to figure out what that is.

I think something's not quite right here.